The Virgin Prince's War Journal

Back at the old work-place, weather has been just as unstable as it is everywhere else. Now generally, where I work is always sunny, without fail. I could step outside my house and have a thick, heavy fog, wet and cold, that soaks my hair and chills my bones, but when I get to work the sun is out and shining brightly. Which pisses me off. That means a harsh sunburn for this poor Irish Mongolian lad. Of course there’s sunscreen, I have 3 brands to choose from. There’s the Safeway generic brand that doesn’t work, the stuff Mom gave me that turns my face white and sticks to my hair, earning me the nickname “Casper”, and the Banana Boat stuff I use that makes me look like a well-greased pornstar gleaming in the light. Not to mention the shit always gets in my eyes and burns like napalm, and somehow always creeps into my mouth too, leaving a particularly unpleasant flavor. Hmmm... wet looking skin, stinging substance in my eyes, bad taste in my mouth. Maybe they should call the sunscreen “Pornstar”. Then it would form a matching pair with the Rockstar I drink in the morning.

So I like foggy days. Well, at least where work’s concerned, I hate when it cuts into my kite-flying. A nice layer of fog keeps the sun out of my eyes, helps slow down the progress of malignant melanoma (which is good, because it leaves me free to focus on lung cancer), and gets me out of having to put on that icky sunscreen. The fog also keeps the sun off of the computer monitor on my desk, which is good, it means I can actually read the thing. I have no idea why, but when they installed the thing they put it facing the window where the sun shines in, which is just stupid. There’s a lot of things I don’t get about why they installed it where they did. It doesn’t even fit properly on the desk. Heck, I can’t complain. Access to the internet makes work pass a lot faster and has helped me immeasurably.

The rain has finally won out. Glorious dark clouds fill the air and it’s great for my ever-squinting, sun-sensitive eyes. I don’t like wearing shades. I don’t like seeing the world darker than it really is and I like the idea of people seeing eachother eye to eye, not to mention something about sunglasses just seems pretentious to me. I’m well equipped for rain as well. It always cracks me up to see my coworkers scrambling to grab their umbrellas, and running inside. I love the rain. I love throwing on my trenchcoat and treading out there into the rain. I love walking back inside with a wet coat and my hair dripping water. They all look at me like I’m crazy for going out there. It’s great.

The next street up from my work is filled with trees. As I’ve walked along it on my way home from work I’ve noticed something that never ceases to impress me and make me as emotional as a menstruating female. The leaves of the trees have turned a wonderful yellow, and the rain has caused the leaves to start falling off. They cover the sidewalk and ground around the tree in a literal thick blanket. The first time I saw it I was completely amazed and impressed by it’s beauty and I had a 2 minute internal struggle with myself as I tried to decide whether to throw myself on the ground and roll around in it as if it were snow or to just keep on walking. It’s kind of like that struggle you have with yourself when you’re trying to keep from eating the flavored lipstick.

So I was reading news on the old monitor at work. Apparently there was this lady that just got convicted for running over a McDonalds manager, back in April. The incident started because the McDonalds staff wouldn’t initially give her a cheeseburger with mayonnaise on it as she requested. Okay, long story short.

Ex-hooker goes to McDonalds drive-thru and orders a cheeseburger with mayonnaise. 18 year old says they don’t make them that way. Lady starts screaming and being abusive. Manager comes and specially makes the cheeseburger for her, with mayonnaise, without onions and mustard, as she asked. Lady complains that cheeseburger is cold and throws it at them. They give her new cheeseburger. She complains that fries have gotten cold and demands more. They give her new fries. She then complains that she wants a new soda. They give her a new soda. She continues to be mean and abusive. Manager calls cops. Cops say to get the license plate number. Manager goes outside to write down license plate number. Lady sees her and drives her vehicle forward. Manager screams “STOP!” Lady laughs and keeps driving, dragging manager 20 feet, caught between tires. Lady then speeds off the wrong way down a one-way street. Manager has a broken pelvis and spends lots of time in the hospital. To this day she can’t pick up her grandchildren.

So this thing went to court a few days ago. The defendant, Waynetta Nolan, faced up to a possible 20 years for aggravated assault. After her laughable defense was over the jury went to decide on her fate. Less than an hour later they returned with a verdict of guilty. The offender got a sentence of 10 years.

Now personally, I think the lady should have gotten the death penalty, and that’s just for ordering a cheeseburger with mayonnaise on it. Crikey! That’s wrong on so many levels. Here we have a burger made from dirty, fatty processed beef (and it’s not the good parts) with a slice of that nasty, plastic artificially processed cheese they call American cheese here in the states (which is self-deprecating if you ask me) and served with a fat helping of white, egg-based sauce, the nastiest of sauces. Why bother ordering this cholesterol treat? Wouldn’t she have been happier with a patty made of solidified fat, garnished with grease, served on a bun of congealed margarine?

Yuck. The chair. The chair I say!